2: bustin’ & dronin’

Hey.

I had dinner with Kevin last night, and it has been confirmed that I chop vegetables like a rock star. Good to know, ‘cos I’ve certainly got the hair to match.

The hair situation is, occasionally, under control. I didn’t do anything special with it today, and because I am without a hair elastic I have to walk around looking like an extra in an “ABC After School Special” (center part), a Valley Girl (left part), or Jennifer Aniston’s Asian counterpart with “the Haircut” (right part). Which gives me another idea for a web site — bustedasshair.com. I believe I can dig that.

I’ve had very little to do here at work, as it’s summer and lot of non-professional day traders seem to be on vacation. Because a lot of the traders I speak to regularly seem to be White, middle-aged men from the South, I can only imagine that they are all doing the same thing: driving an RV to Branson, MO. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I could join them. But given that I used the last of my vacation time recovering from my fall, I will have to wait. And even then, I’m going home to visit the parents.

Ah, the parents — they still won’t send me the big-ass wooden spoon and fork hanging in their kitchen. Though they know how much I covet these items, Mom & Pop don’t envision these utensils as being part of their legacy to me. I figure that, as long as I can’t have a pig roast for my next birthday party, the least they can do is hook me up with my own set of cutlery. However, if any of you have Flip connections and can hook me up, please do. Of course, you may be thinking, “Don’t most Filipinos eat with their hands? What does she want with a spoon and fork?” To this, I have no reply but to say “Do I strike you as being like most Filipinos?”

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

I wrote a list of things that potential boyfriends must not do or have. I ran it past Kate and Kevin last night, and they seemed to be down with most of them. I think that most of them are pretty solid:

  1. He can have an earring, wear glasses, or wear a nose ring — but not simultaneously.
  2. He cannot smoke slim cigarettes.
  3. He cannot have worn acid wash denim at any point during his life.
  4. No perms. The only exception to this is the Jheri curl, and even then only for costume parties and Halloween.
  5. No comb-overs.
  6. When going to a bar, he cannot say “grab a beer”. I can’t explain why, but I have never liked this phrase. It makes me feel weird.
  7. No matter how hot he may be, I am the pretty one in the relationship.

Now that Napster is shutting down tomorrow, I’ve been scrambling to get essential mp3’s. So far, I think I’ve got most everything I need. It’s a lot of pop, rap, and random dancey crap from my youth. Of note: “Supersonic” by JJ Fad, “Spring Love” by Stevie B., and “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd. Does anyone remember the summer those “Sex Me Up” t-shirts were popular? Was it just a New York thing? That song is so 90210. But yes, I’m still trying to track down “Diamond Girl” by Nice and Wild. Any help you can provide would be lovely. Also, “Hair Weave” by Stetsasonic.

Finally, I leave you with one of my favorite poems from one of my favorite books: “Norway” from “The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 1/4”.

    “Norway”

    Norway! Land of difficult spelling.
    Hiding your beauty behind strange vowels.
    Land of long nights, short days, and dots over ‘O’s.
    Ruminating majestic reindeers
    Tread wearily on ice floes
    Ever aware of what happened to the
    Titanic
    One day I will sojourn to your shores
    I live in the middle of England
    But!
    Norway! My soul resides in your watery fiords fyords fiiords
    Inlets.

Cheers,
Jasmine

It looked like orange juice to me . . . said, “Drink this down and don’t stop. Just drink it right down.” So I thought it was orange juice, and I drank it right down. I began to giggle as we took off, and, when I woke up, I was in California. (Tammy Faye Bakker)

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~ by Jasmine on July 27, 2000.

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