219: ‘too much more than a**’

1. stuff I don’t want for Christmas

a. Foolish/Unfoolish, the book of ‘poetry’ by r & b ‘singer’ Ashanti
b. anything on http://www.dialcorp.com/index.cfm?page_id=123
c. a merkin

2. songs for my “Ho Ho Ho” holiday mix

a. Belle & Sebastian, “Lazy Line Painter Jane”
b. Weezer, “Hash Pipe”
c. Bobbie Gentry, “Fancy”
d. Lou Reed, “Walk On The Wild Side”
e. LaBelle, “Lady Marmalade”

3. songs for my stalking mix

a. The Police, “Every Breath You Take”
b. Olivia Newton John, “I Honestly Love You”
c. Missy Elliott, “Step Off”
d. The Carpenters, “Superstar”

3. “In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us!”

I saw “Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets”. Twice. Once Friday night, and again Saturday night:

companions: Jacinda, Matt, Theresa
venue: Cineplex Gardens at Old Orchard 7-13
method of conveyance to theatre: Matt’s Saturn
pre-dinner location: The Bagel

I ordered it though I had no business ordering such a hulking, fattening dinner. There is nothing nutritionally responsible or redeemable about a pastrami and cheese omelet on a toasted bagel and hash browns. Matt had a pastrami sandwich, but at least it was turkey pastrami. I might have been the only 26 year old queuing up for the movie worried that she was going to die of a massive heart attack before the previews even started.

I was wearing my Gryffindor scarf, six feet long of scarlet and gold wool. It kept me warm on the cold walk from the delicatessen to the theater, and it looked smashing. A few other movie patrons were also wearing scarves, but their scarves paled in comparison to mine. In a fight, my scarf would emerge victorious.

The girls sitting in front of us didn’t seem to like us, especially after Jacinda’s bottle of Coke nearly exploded all over their shiny hair, which hung over the back of their seats. And what was their hair doing hanging into our row any way? Anyway, things did not improve when Theresa, coming back from the loo, stumbled over Jacinda’s feet and grabbed the seat in front for support. We got some glares, but that was it. I think people were too much into the movie to start fighting.

And oh yeah, the movie. I’d tell you what happened, but you probably already know. Because who hasn’t read “Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets”? Anyway, the movie was GREAT. The kids are so grown-up, and the quidditch match didn’t look all fake and cartoony like it did in the first movie. So go see it with your favorite kid (or immature adult) and let me know what you thought.

4. “I’m certain if she knew I was the guy from ‘Happy Days’ or ‘Diagnosis Murder’ she would have thought I was a player and wouldn’t have gone out with me.”

I went to the Art Institute with Kevin and Michael. Kevin got free passes from work, so he took us in for a day of culture. As he hadn’t been there for a while, Kevin thought that we should check out the museum’s greatest hits. Michael was eager to check out the Juan Munoz show, and all I wanted was to check out the makeout room.

I know I’ve told you about this before. The makeout room is in the East Asian Wing, a dark room with a grid of sixteen mahogany pillars in the middle of the room. Two glass cases displaying screens are on the right-hand and far walls. A bench with a guard sitting on it sits on the left. A guard . . .? Oh damn. He didn’t used to be there. You used to be able to saunter in and just commune with the art completely alone, as people hardly ever went to this room. It’s still a great space, but some of its magic seems to have disappeared. Also, it was really humid in the space, and humidity tends to make me fidgety.

The museum was busy, full of slack-jawed yokels, teenage girls with that kind of permed hair that closely resembles just-cooked ramen noodles, and skinny hipster boys wearing dirty sweaters. We saw so much that I don’t remember exactly everything we saw, and in which order, but below are some of my impressions.

(I know that reading or, even worse, listening to what people thought of art, is unbelievably tedious. In which case, you can skip down to item 5 if you like.)

“The Miracles of Mary: A 17th-Century Ethiopian Manuscript” — Maybe it’s because I’m a Catholic girl from a former Spanish colony, but I’m a sucker for religious art and relics. I can’t help it. I would see a gold altar and think “Oh, how pretty!” instead of “I wonder how many slaves died in getting this gold from the New World.” Now, I think both, and then sigh.

The Alfred Stieglitz Room — In the east wing, this room contains paints from Alfred’s collection. Most of it is by Georgia O’Keefe, no surprise there. Kevin and I smirked, and then he said something like “No, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a flower.” as we admired the vaginal flowers. I just sighed and said “I call this ‘The Pussy Room'” and then started to sing Prince’s immortal “Pussy Control” in a tinny falsetto. When Michael found us laughing and singing, he just walked away from us in mock disgust.

Juan Munoz — One of my favorites. There was an empty room with iron balcony fragments mounted on the walls with signs that read ‘HOTEL’. Naturally, each fragment was a separate work, each named after a different museum in France or Germany. I adored the balconies that seemed to slump in a drunken stupor, offering rather poor support to the occasional patron who would lean against them. There was a great tin car, about 1/16 the size of a proper car, turned over and split to reveal some Escher-like stairs and doorways. We thought it would make a great dollhouse, part of a conceptual art toy series, a partnership between the Art Institute and, say, Fisher-Price. The other piece I liked a lot was a train track mounted high in a room that faced onto the Metra tracks. Two wax figures sat in a car which ran back and forth on the track. The piece was called “Railroad Flat”. Michael wondered how it was powered, and I revealed my theory: chipmunks, that push and pull the car for nuts and other incentives. Again, Michael had to leave the room.

“Fukusa & Furoshiki: Splendid Japanese Gift Covers and Wrapping Cloths” — This was really pretty.

Permanent collection: As my eyes tend to glaze over when I’m anywhere near a work of art painted by anyone whose last name ends with “-net”, I didn’t linger with the Impressionists for very long. I brought the boys to the contemporary wing, pointing out the Magritte painting that I wrote a paper on only to have my professor say “You know, I never figured out what that paint was about” and give me an A. The Joseph Cornell boxes, my favorite pieces in the museum, each a window into another world that is just as lovely as the next. Kevin and Michael seemed to like them, too.

I forgot exactly when, but we had lunch at the Art Institute cafeteria. The cafeteria sells Art Institute bottled water, a picture of the museum’s facade on each label. The water tasted weird, and we figured it must come from the sad fountain in the Art Institute’s courtyard. Oh, and that it is harvested and bottled by sad-eyed Art Institute work study students.

After the museum, up to Sai Cafe for dinner with Kathy, Adrienne, and Tasneem. Topics of discussion included Bill Michel, Thanksgiving plans, and Kathy’s birthday. After dinner, I saw “Harry Potter” again, this time with Kevin, Tasneem, and Tony. Tony was nursing a cold, but came out anyway. There was some snow falling out of the sky, and I was glad to be indoors watching a new favorite movie with some good friends. I went straight home, missing some crazy party uptown. Misses Walshe, Williams, and Barry, tell me what I missed, as I am dying for some funny stories.

5. a sign that maybe “news from the flip front” is not long for this world


6. Merry (early) Christmas ( a joke from my friend Jeremy)

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, “Your daughter is pregnant.”

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, “Quit looking out the window! Aren’t you paying attention to me?”

“Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma’am. It’s just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again”


    East Asian Studies Student Advisory Board
    this saturday – KB living room
    be there or be caucasian!!

Sloan – Dreaming Of You; The Roots – The Spark; Weezer – Fall Together; Sloan – Motor City Maniacs; Shakira – Estoy Aqui



~ by Jasmine on November 22, 2002.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: