290: i know all about the gays

1. my next big idea

One of my favorite moments in the last episode of ‘Sex and The City’ was when Charlotte and Anthony were in Chanel and he asks her, in not so many words, whether or not they will still be good friends after she and her husband adopt a baby. In the movie of her life, does he have a bit part or a supporting role? Will he be played by Colin Farrell or Mario Cantone? I could identify with Anthony’s concern that with the addition of a baby to her family that his friendship with Charlotte would suffer and perhaps end. I’ve broken up with friends, deliberately or no, with the introduction of new boyfriends or girlfriends or new friends. In college, I’d make short and fast acquaintances with a lot of boys who had just come out of the closet, and then they’d all go away and find other hags or I’d realize that we weren’t very compatible as friends. Kinda like “My Little Fag Hag”, with all sorts of action accessories to play with:

Margaret Cho spoken word CD
pack of Rothmann cigarettes with coordinating holder
leopard print handbag
Weight Watchers’ point calculator
latest issue of In Style magazine or British Vogue
condoms (nabbed from student health center or similar)

I’d be your first fag hag, but I wouldn’t be your last. And I realize that this would be a good business for those shy gay men who have just come out and haven’t found their true hag. I can step in as your acting hag until the right girl comes along, at which point I will collect my fee and be on the way home.

2. scene from the Milwaukee Avenue bus

Wednesday morning. 8:34 am. A girl gets on at Division & Milwaukee. She is reading Chinua Achebe’s ‘Things Fall Apart’. Dark brown shearling coat. Dyed auburn hair. Unpolished nails. Sincere expression. She carried a tote bag constructed from a silk bamboo print, decorated with red silk buttons and unnecessary frog closures that closed nothing. That’s the type of bag I could never pull off, even if I wanted to, without looking like some sort of Asian stereotype. It’s just too costumey on Asian people. I think that if I were to carry such a bag, I’d affix a button to it that would read “Now with 50% more Asian!” I’d stuff it with stereotypical items:

laundry tickets
New Order’s greatest hits on CD

Ooh, this could be my next big idea. Ethnic stereotype kits! For $19.95, you’d get an appropriate selection of items that would best evoke the ethnic stereotype of your choice! The WASP kit would be a monogrammed LL Bean canvas tote filled with:

a pair of Tretorn sneakers
The Book of Common Prayer
Cat Stevens CD

3. words to make you think

Chang-rae Lee: “Well, like all writers, I feel like I have this other, inner life. I’ve always felt like I should be somebody else — I should be more brash or ambitious, or I don’t know. I feel like I’ve got a lot of secrets. I don’t, but I feel like I do.”

like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig,

Foo Fighters – One By One; Ludacris – Stand Up; The Faces – Stay with Me; Soul II Soul — Back II Life



~ by Jasmine on February 27, 2004.

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