295: stuck on you

1. Har Mar Superstar is in ‘Starsky & Hutch’. This may seem old to you, but it was news to me, Jacinda, and Joe when we went to the movies two weeks ago. After the movie, we got drunk at Rich’s First One Today where:

  1. Joe and I ate a bunch of pork tamales.
  2. Jacinda and I lobbied for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party before Joe and Jacinda’s wedding, but Joe refused.
  3. Jacinda was greatly admired by an aging punk missing some teeth.
  4. We were hit on by a guy dressed as Krinkles The Killer Klown.
  5. Joe drank a jack and coke served in a pint glass.
  6. We drank Old Style for $1.
  7. We saw this guy Chris G. who I used to be friends with and studiously ignored.

2. birfday girl

Sunday before birthday (3/28): Kathy and I ate a delicious breakfast at Orange, splitting the pancake flight and drinking orange juice with lime and ginger surrounded by folks who had just run in the Shamrock Shuffle. I got my exercise that afternoon when Kathy and I did a little shopping and talked yang, as per usual. It was a gorgeous day to be outdoors, and Kathy dropped me off just as it was starting to rain.

Sunday night before birthday: Khloé and Jeff took me to Pili Pili for a pre-birthday dinner. They picked me up at home, and waiting for me in their car was a Hello Kitty balloon. Pili Pili is a French restaurant, so there were all sorts of delicious things like escargots and salade Nicoise with salmon. We didn’t order dessert, instead drinking Champagne with dinner. Our server brought out a small plate of cookies and truffles with a curly candle stuck to the edge of the plate. I wished, then blew out the candle. We had dessert at Khloé and Jeff’s, as Khloé had spent the weekend making practice cakes over the weekend. A platter of chocolate cake flavored with mint, or orange, or spread with raspberry jam waited for me, as did my present: a creme brulee kit, complete with torch and ramekins. Mwa ha ha ha.

Monday night before birthday (3/29): I spent the night before my birthday last week sitting in the dark and watching the Fitness Channel. It seems that my old PE teacher Ms. Fleming is a successful author, having written a book entitled “Buff Brides”. She was on the Fitness Channel, training two of her clients and looking very fabulous with her prematurely gray hair cut in a chic pixie cut. I remember her yelling at me during hockey practice in middle school, and now here she was yelling at pasty girls as they sweated away on Stairmasters.

Birthday (3/30):

  1. Kathy’s hilarious card feat. 50 Cent singing “In Da Club”
  2. Dad called and left a message in my voicemail box at work: “So what do you want for your birthday? A pony?”
  3. I heard back from this web site to which I had sent some clips in the hopes of getting a freelance assignment. The rejection was nice enough, but did they have to tell me on my birthday? Timing is everything.
  4. Khloé brought my birthday cake to work, so I and my co-workers stood around awkwardly as they serenaded me. The cake was cut, served, eaten, and cleaned up in less than thirty minutes. And that was it.
  5. As I was on my way to dinner with Christine, Andrew called me to apologize for forgetting my
    birthday. I kept insisting it was fine, which it actually was, but I cannot deny that I enjoyed
    listening to him grovel on the phone.
  6. Christine and I ate a great deal of Indian food at Moti Mahal, where Jacinda and Joe found us. Christine presented me with a lovely flower hair ornament that she made herself, and Joe and Jacinda gave me a lovely pair of chandelier earrings and a sweet card that almost made me cry. After dinner, we walked up the street to see Sean Ewert’s one-man show, “Gary Stereo Raves On”. We ran into Andrew and Damien outside the theater, and went inside together.

3. The Prince and Me

Lisa and I went to see ‘The Prince and Me’ last week. She won tickets to a free preview from XRT, and she brought me as her guest. The movie was cute enough, but I find it hard to believe that the people of Denmark could accept Julia Stiles as their queen. Maybe that would fly in Norway or Sweden, but not in Denmark.

4. every day i need attention

Kevin convinced me to go visit him in Minneapolis, as he couldn’t come to Chicago to visit me and fares were cheap so I bought a ticket. I spent Friday night doing my laundry so I’d have clean clothes to wear, and wondering if I’d need to bring more than one tube of red lipstick. I ended up bringing a tube of lip gloss, which was fine. My Saturday morning flight was half full, and devoid of cute boys for me to ogle. I sneered at the early morning travelers to points south who showed up at the airport in pajamas and dirty flip-flops, clutching large cups of Starbuck’s coffee and snapping their gum.

Kevin picked me up at the airport and instead of going to eat Jucy Lucy’s at Matt’s Bar, we drove off to see his realtor and successfully sell his condo after it had been on the market for, like, a second. So yes, it’s official. I think I can finally tell y’all (in case you didn’t know already) that my dear Kevin is moving back to Chicago. As we drove back to the apartment, Kevin called up people with the news while I smoked his cigarettes (I haven’t bought a pack in two weeks — I think I may actually be kinda sorta maybe quitting) and admired the fine Minnesota sunshine.

Lunch at Sydney’s followed later that afternoon, where Kev made faces at the baby at a neighboring table and I devoured the bread basket. In the evening, we went to the Bolt for a fundraiser for Kevin’s friends softball team. In the Jeep on the way over, we laughed over what we used to consider really important, like the University of Chicago student government election scandal of 1997. At the Bolt, for the first time ever, I was the only girl in a gay bar. Usually, there are some chubby fag hags around waving cigarettes in the air but no. Just me, a bar full of gay men (some of whom where wearing their baseball uniforms) and what looked to be a nude soccer match on the big screen tv.

After the Bolt, Kevin and I went to Bryant-Lake Bowl, a
restaurant/bowling alley/theater for the Ministry of Cultural Warfare’s production of Vaclav Havel’s ‘Vanek Trilogy’ — see http://www.mocw.org/vanek for more info. I was buzzing after a mere two beers at the bolt, so it was nice to have some theater to sort me out. I could sit in the dark, my face flushed from the alcohol, eat my cheesecake, drink some tea, and be at peace.

Sunday was relatively quiet, even though Kevin and I spent two hours running around the Mall of America. I found the cute hipster types — they were working at the Apple Store. I bought some t-shirts, we ate some pizza, and drove to Doug and Dave’s in St. Paul. Doug fixed some drinks and we sat in their yard and talked. When Dave got home, he gave me the tour of the house and explained the antiques to me. I wanted to curl up on the bed in their guest room, and spend the rest of the day reading the Sotheby’s catalogue of the estate of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, but alas — dinner had to be eaten, a birthday had to be celebrated (Doug’s, not mine), and I had to testify back at Kevin’s apartment for Matthew.

Matthew came around the apartment at 11 to film me telling a few of my stories, which Matthew would hopefully find useful for his next play, “My Friend’s Best Stories”. Kevin’s in the trailer. We were all really tired, but we sat around and drank Coke and smoked cigarettes while I talked about my life as a college gossip columnist and a crazy teenage stalker. No need to get into details now, but I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.

I flew back to Chicago Monday morning, officially seated in the middle of a screaming school group of teenagers on their way to Washington, D.C. I’d forgotten that kids in large groups can be jerks so I moved up a few rows and sat in the exit row with the other stuffy grown-ups. To further highlight my grown-up status, I read the New York Times and did the crossword puzzle in pen. As I was leaving my seat, I saw the girl who best resembled me at 15 — glasses, glare, Asian, not a speck of makeup on her face. She didn’t have anything to say about tube socks or Eminem or school gossip, so she sat in her seat and read a book and didn’t talk to anybody else. She looked like the kind of girl who listened to The Smiths all the time, so I felt secure in the knowledge that if I couldn’t help her deal with her idiot classmates, Morrissey certainly could.

5. other stuff

Thank you for your kind birthday cards, e-mails, and such. Thank you cards and follow-up calls are in the offing. I swear.


“I promise to bag David some hot and spicy single women. Unfortunately asian women’s preferences at Connecticut College for some reason do not extend to Asian men. So me and him are taking a trip to Panda Buffet.”

Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg – Nuthin’ But A G Thang; Scissor Sisters – Comfortably Numb; Rufus & Chaka Khan – Sweet Thing; De La Soul – Jazz (We’ve Got); DJ Danger Mouse – Jay-Z – Encore



~ by Jasmine on April 7, 2004.

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