297: the f word

2. friends

I was eating lunch with Theresa when I got the call. We were gonna get

manicures and pedicures that Saturday when I got a call from Rozi asking

me to go to Andrew and find out what was wrong. I paid the bill,

apologized to Theresa, then ran out and hailed a cab. Found Andrew at

his apartment, doubled over in pain, and I was afraid but I had to get

him to the emergency room. I’ve known Andrew for almost ten years, and

I’ve never seen him like this. It took the cab FOREVER to get to the

hospital, and then forever for the triage nurse to take Andrew. I called

Rozi, who called Andrew’s mom, and waited until the insurance guy came

out and I could push Andrew’s insurance card at him. The kind staff let

me in, and I found Andrew in curtain 6. He had kidney stones and some

crazy painkillers in his IV. He looked like he was about to die from

sheer pleasure, and if that isn’t decadent then I don’t know what is. I

sat and watched him slip in and out of his daydreams, listened to a

homeless man yelling from the other end of the emergency room, and

eavesdropped on the depressed teenager in the next curtain. Andrew had a

CT scan, got a script for Vicodin, and was discharged. After filling his

prescription, we went back to Andrew’s apartment for Chinese takeout and

a long night’s sleep.

3. feet:

a. I got a pedicure. The nail polish I chose is Samoan Sand, an

unfortunate name for a nail varnish if you’re Asian, but it looks great on me.

b. I got some kick-ass summer sandals.

c. I ate frozen custard and watched what could possibly be Joe’s last

show with his band, Cost of Recess. Hardly anybody came, and they should

feel bad because the drummer’s wife came, and she was two days

overdue with their first child. FYI: Jenny gave birth to a girl last

week. Her name is Lily, not Jasmine as I had previously requested.

4. field of dreams

A few folks at work put together a softball team. They lost when I saw

them last week, but beat the team from Spring this week, 17 to 4. And my

crush looked adorable playing outfield. You can read about the team

on-line at http://home.earthlink.net/~pugmohone/talewackers2004/. I know

very little about the rules of softball, but I knew well enough to keep

my head down so I wouldn’t get beaned on the head by stray balls. After

last week’s game, we had beers at the Lincoln Tavern, where you get a

small juice glass with your Old Style. I felt so prim sipping my beer.

5. firepit

My friend James had a barbecue the Tuesday after L-Day, so I went and

took pictures and smoked cigarettes and made friends with a ginormous

German Shepherd named Louie. Louie was my friend — attentive, cuddly,

and in possession of a great appreciation for red meat. Afterwards, my

co-worker Andy drove me home and I chastised him for hanging out in

Trixie bars. He’s only three years younger than me, but he looks about

20 years old, so I felt the need to nag him a bit. Which I should

probably never do to someone who is very nicely driving me home but such

is the way of the Jasmine.

6. factory

Department outing last week. Cheesecake Factory on Michigan Avenue. What

else is there to say but that the food was delicious, and I need to lose

some weight so I can sit in their booths without feeling like Jabba The

Fucking Hut.

7. friday flick

Saw ’13 Going on 30′ with Jacineda & Joe. Movie was pleasant enough — I

found the clothing and accessories and the real estate far more

satisfying. A walk-in closet full of the spring 2004 collection from

Jimmy Choo. Frilly dresses and skirts pulled off the racks at Scoop. An

adorable one-bedroom on lower Fifth Avenue. And Mark “I like it” Ruffalo

is your hottie-pants boyfriend? Where do I sign up?

8. freebasing

Last Saturday was long and partially forgotten, so let me see what I can


a. Zoo with Maria and her brother James. We spent a great deal of time

communing with the polar bears, a pygmy goose that I wanted to take home

with me, and a rhino with a small bladder. I decided that the new diet

that will make me a fortune will allow you to eat whatever you want, but

you must always eat in a room that smells vaguely of elephant poop. The

pounds will simply melt away.

b. Dinner at Twin Anchors. A seemingly tiny booth with deceptively deep

seats with Maria, James, Andrew, Theresa. We tucked napkins into our

shirts and ate many many ribs and onion rings and fries and jumbo shrimp

and burgers. Andrew and I, in a show of modesty and temperance, quaffed

Shirley Temples.

c. Post-dinner cocktails at the Old Town Ale House. We watched the rain

from the prized window booth and talked about old co-workers who would

do drugs at work in the stairwell, or spend the workday curled up on the

floor of the ladies room after a long hard night of freebasing.

d. Maria and James cut out, then Theresa. Joe arrives, then Jeremy and

his cute friend Doran. We talk some more shit, then Joe goes home and me

and the boys drive up to Foley’s. Driving through Lincoln Park, we laugh

at the wet assholes standing on a line to get into fucking John

Barleycorn. At least, I do.

e. Foley’s is not crowded, and a good crowd is seated on stools getting

drunk on free Jell-o shots from the new bartender or playing darts.

There is only one other girl in the bar, so we get free hazelnut shots

all night. The boys gets shots of whiskey and get hammered. Dan arrives

after his barbecue, and has more drinks with the boys. At some point,

Dan and I talk about my sad love life, and what he means to say

about what my problem is gets whittled down to one word . . .

9. FAT

Well, duh. I know what he meant then, and I know what he means now, but

I still felt kinda sad. Especially as I was thinking Doran was all

shiny and new but then then he went away and so did Jeremy and there I

was again with two of my favorite Jews in the world, drinking shots and

singing along with the jukebox.

10. friendly confines

The next day, I got up to meet Maria, James, and her pal PK for the Cubs

game vs. the Mets. Like a pussy, I was too chicken to cheer for my boys

from Queens, and so they lost to the Cubs. After the game, we went back

to Maria’s, ate tacos, and watched “Bull Durham”. It was nice.



“Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I’m rich.”

(Daffy Duck)


Les Negresses Vertes – I Love Paris; Faces – Bad ‘n Ruin; N*E*R*D – She

Wants to Move; New Order – Regret; Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps (is it just

me, or does it feel like this song is becoming the “Clocks” of 2004?)

Ryan Adams – So Alive; Kylie Minogue – Chocolate







~ by Jasmine on April 28, 2004.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: