315: minneapolis wedding song (teaser)

1. It’s been three weeks since I’ve written. I am aware of this. You can always go back and read the archives at https://flipfront.wordpress.com.

2. Culver’s (http://www.culvers.com) is the greatest thing that could happen to a hungry motorist travelling throughout the upper Midwest.

3. The bed in Doug and Dave’s guestroom was wonderful.

4. Don’t eat five pounds of fried cheese two days before you have to wear a very form-fitting bridesmaid dress.

5. If you’re racing your friends down the giant slide at the Minnesota State Fair, it helps to have big boobs. Just ask Jacinda.

6. Everybody looks good wearing a pair of paper pig ears.

7. The river rapids ride at the Minnesota State Fair looks tame, but your ass will get soaked and your skirt will become see-through. Just ask Jacinda.

8. If you’re running a dinner cruise service on Lake Minnetonka, I believe it helps to have Dramamine on hand for those guests of yours afflicted with motion sickness.

9. A 2002 VW Cabrio is, according to someone who is not actually me, gayer than anal sex.

10. If Jacinda calls you up with good gossip, try not to cackle too loudly into the phone unless you’re prepared to share.

11. Even if you say you’re not going to cry, be cautious and don’t have Dana at Urban Retreat put mascara on your bottom lashes. And if she does it anyway, make sure you have a handkerchief ready during the wedding.

12. There should be more Elvis impersonators at wedding receptions: http://www.elvistributeartist.com/information.htm (check out http://www.elvistributeartist.com/wpe63.jpg).

13. Dawn Kim kicks ass.

14. Toe-less pantyhose is a strange (no toes!) and wonderful (if you often forget to moisturize, as I do) invention.

“I’m nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I’ve begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I’m reminiscing this right now. I can’t go to the bar because I’ve already looked back on it in my memory. And I didn’t have a good time.” (Max, Kicking and Screaming)

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~ by Jasmine on September 7, 2004.

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