338: hyacinth

Here comes the fuzz
Originally uploaded by missjasmine.

Last night, Jacinda and I went to a party to celebrate the opening of Raizy, yet another cute-ass boutique to open in Bucktown. I had no intention of buying anything — I though we’d dash in, eat the free food, and dash out into the night. But, no. The place was seriously cute — pink walls, fancypants lingerie, display tables displaying shower mousses and candles that smelled faintly of gelato. A few talking points:

1. I felt like a bull in a china shop. Wearing the ugly corduroy coat, I was overheated and feeling self-conscious in a room full of women sporting perfect makeup and size 2 outfits. The owner, Renee, is a teeny blonde with a considerable rack. She wore a fitted pink satin dress, jeweled strappy sandals, and some shimmery stuff on her cleavage. All of her employees, including the lovely girl who sold me some mascara, had shimmer on their ta-tas.

2. Jacinda found this great liquid eye shadow that came in an adorable tear-shaped bottle. So pretty. We giggled like a couple of schoolgirls as we tested it on the backs of our hands. Also of note: bikini underpants that had boy names on them. Like, if your man is named Joe, you wear the ones that say “Joe” on them, dig? I fell in love with the Mor bath and body products. A gigantic pomegranate scented candle was calling my name, but I resisted.

3. The food. Oh man. Typical fancy cocktail party stuff served by a caterer who looked like that German man/woman in “50 First Dates”. It was good. Miniature quiches. Mini roast beef sandwiches. Chicken salad sandwiches on croissants. A huge plate of almonds, olives, and pate, accompanied by a platter of different toast points and slices of bread. Strawberry tartlets. Individual chocolate mousse tartes molded into the shape of a heart, covered in chocolate ganache, and topped with a flake of goldleaf. A bucket of champagne. It was really just me and Jacinda who ate, and the two guys (husbands of employees) who tucked in. Sooo good.

4. The guests. A lot of White ladies with expensive shoes and elaborate eye makeup. The only other larger lady in attendance looked distraught in sweatpants, and didn’t stick around for very long. Jacinda and I met the owner of Josephine, a posh shoe shop in Old Town, when we stepped out for some fresh air. I coveted her shoes, as I am wont to do.

5. The goody bag. A few L’Occitane samples, a packet of pink! PINK! hot cocoa mix. And a coupon good for 10% my next purchase. Which I may use, as I may have to go back for that candle. Also, you can get lash extensions, which their makeup artists will apply for you. My wee lashes are overjoyed.

After the party, Jacinda came home with me to read magazines, watch television, and eat Thai food. It was the night before her birthday, but she refused to open her present, which sat wrapped and ready to go on my kitchen table. While we waited for the food to be delivered, she devoured my pile of magazines while I watched a high school jock become a ballet dancer on MTV’s Made. Whilst reading a think piece on the Olsen Twins, Jacinda quizzed me on the identity of their suitors, and I was able to tell her who these guys were without having to Google them. I’m glad to know that I spent all those years (and all that money) at the University of Chicago to become a fucking expert on the dating, spending, and eating habits of Mary-Kate and Ashley. But I digress. Jacinda said that she couldn’t keep US Weekly and other magazines of its ilk in her house, as her head would explode from the celebrity exposure. And I said that she isn’t the first person to say as much. I think people can come to my house to get their fix, should they desire fashion or gossip magazines, cigarettes, soda pop, junk food. It’s like my apartment is Pleasure Island from Pinocchio, only with dust bunnies.

What else did we talk about? Plastic surgery — Jacinda mentioned something about a nose job, which I thought was silly. We both agreed though that if we had the money we’d totally get lipo. And I’d get my tits lifted. And we’d correct the dents in our skulls, as if you could correct that with plastic surgery. Dunno — can you? And we also talked about how we have body hair in weird places that is visible to nobody but us because we are either very pale (Jacinda) or Asian (me).

When we went back to watching “Made”, the jock had made considerable progress with his dancing (he was training to audition for the ballet school’s production of ‘The Nutcracker’) and had taken out his audition partner to dinner. Having just been tossed aside by a girl who’d been flirting with him, he was a bit shy with his partner. Which I thought was a bit rich, considering he’d spent the last four weeks dancing with her, lifting her and carrying her. And then he said that the reason he felt a bit shy was because they spent all their time together dancing, not talking. “I feel like I don’t really know your personality. But I know your body.”

Oh. My. G-d. Hold on. I have to take a moment. Talk amongst yourselves.

So it’s Jacinda’s birthday today. If you got her e-mail address or phone number, call her or e-mail her and wish her well. If you don’t know what to say, but want to go beyond the usual “Happy birthday!” I have a few ideas:

1. Love your tits in that top.

2. So . . . do the curtains match the drapes?

3. Fancy a shag?

4. Do I make you horny baby?

Try those out, and let me know what she says. I guarantee she’ll love ’em all.


Placido Domingo – Nessun dorma; The Smiths – A Rush and a Push and the Land Is Ours



~ by Jasmine on February 4, 2005.

4 Responses to “338: hyacinth”

  1. Ooh, if you get the eyelash extensions, can you let us know how they work out? I am simultaneously fascinated and terrified of them.

  2. Of course, CrankyBiscuit! The application costs $32 at Raizy, and that includes the cost of the Scott Barnes kit which you get to keep.

    Speaking of SB, Raizy stocked the whole line. Didn’t remember to try the Body Bling for which is he known, though.

  3. Darn, will have to find a place in LA that does it. It probably won’t be hard, come to think of it.

    Thanks for the link to Body Bling. I’m always on the lookout for new beauty products to spend my money on.

  4. Re: that Made episode, what he actually said was “I know your body better than I know your personality’. Still swoon-worthy.

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