339: I (Who Have Nothing)

1. Before I get started on recapping my adventures in Galena with Joe and Jacinda, or going to the movies with Mr. Jeff Ramone, I want to say that I am veddy excited about the Meatball Rally, where me and my mostly Norwegian pal Jen, along with a motley crew of meat afficianados, eat meatballs of Norwegian and then Italian persuasion, and then decide whose reign supreme. Below are some responses I’ve gotten from people which I thought were worth promoting. See if you can guess who said what!

a. “It’ll be near the end of the quarter, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to show. However, if I’m able to be there, a message to IKEA’s Manager Special – ‘I must break you.'”


c. “OMG, wha? Unfortunatley, I will be in San Antonio at the Tejano Music Awards. Don’t ask.”

d. “roll out the meatball, we’ll have a meatball a fun . . .”

e. “sorry, i no eating meat.”

f. “have saturday morning sex and/or wake and bake” [reasons why they may not show]

g. “I can’t eat that much meat. This is probably the 1st time I’ve turned down an invitation to have balls in my mouth.”

2. Galena

Jacinda wanted to go to the Detroit Zoo for her birthday. I know you’re probably thinking “But Jasmine. Detroit in February? Wouldn’t you rather go to the Brookfield, or even the zoo in Lincoln Park? The penguins would love to see you.” But Detroit has this massive exhibit called The Arctic Ring of Life, the world’s largest polar bear exhibit. There is a replica of an Inuit village, and a clear tunnel winds underneath water so you can watch polar bears swim over you. At least, that’s what the web site says. But, we got a late start, and had we left Chicago at 9am this would have gotten us to the zoo one hour before closing. Boo.

So off to Galena, with a brief stop at Culver’s for butter burgers and fried walleye. Driving over hills, actual hills which can be scarce in the Midwest. Past dilapidated barns and tiny antiqueshops, we arrived in a valley full of Greek Revival mansions, cobblestone streets, dim shops offering everything from birdfeeders to homemade ice cream to leather goods, architectural elements made from the stone of nearby quarries. Jacinda dragged me and Joe up to Bench Street so we could covet the wonderfully restored houses.

Galena’s hills are steep. It makes for excellent hiking, and I don’t wonder that it would make for great running. All those hilly streets, nearly devoid of traffic. All the old folks drove around as we walked, stopped to consider the valley (which looked a bit like Pennsylvania in some parts), then tromped back down to Main Street for ice cream. More window shopping, then back to the car so we could return to civilization, full of oases (the new ones on I-94 are downright posh), decent cell phone reception, and flat streets which do not tax my smoker’s lungs. On the way to and from Galena, Jacinda and I tortured Joe by making him play the 80s station so we could sing along. It is my idea that one day Jacinda and I will chuck our jobs to form the ultimate Hall & Oates tribute band. Yes, we are that talented.

3. my friend Jeff

It just occurred to me the other day that the last three people who saw me in some state of deshabille are the lady at Thousand Waves who did my herbal wrap, Jacinda, and Jeff. Oh and the women in the locker room at my gym. But back to Jeff.

Jeff is a massage therapist, my massage therapist (he should be your massage therapist, too, so e-mail me if you want his info — he’s very reasonably priced!). Jeff is also my friend. So I was glad to see him Sunday. Happy that it occurred to him to IM me while I sat on my couch eating oatmeal and, I confess, watching My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. We met, first for lunch at my old Chinese place (New Peking on B’way and Briar, in case you were wondering), then flipping through books and cruising boys at Borders (B’way & Diversey), then the 2:20 of Bad Education at the Landmark (Clark & Diversey). Can I just say that Gael García Bernal has a hot ass? Oh, and the movie was really good, too.

After the movie, we walked up to Caribou Coffee (3300 North B’way), where Joe used to fetch morning coffee when Jacinda and I lived in Lakeview oh so many years ago. I was, as per usual, the only girl in the joint. We played Scrabble at a table by the window, so Jeff could check out cute boys walking by and I could peer at the guy in the U of C sweatshirt who may or may not have been checking out my ta-tas. I could not blame him, as I thought they looked particularly fetching that day.

4. birthdays

Happy belated birthday to: Sean, my sister, Michelle. Happy birthday to Jeff W. Happy early birthday to Chris Thomas.

5. lent

It’s Lent. This year, I’m giving up giving up things. So far, I’m doing a bang-up job.

6. work

Work is, suffice to say, weird. Not what I’m doing now, but what I’ll be doing soon. As a result I am distracted and tense. If I were a guy, I believe that the cure would be a good wank or a blowjob, but as neither are options for me, I turn to music. So all this week, I’ve been listening to Sylvester, Depeche Mode, and that song “Coffeepot” by Cajmere because it is, as Kevin always says to me, time for the percolator.

7. this flight tonight

Oh, and I’ll be in New York from 2/12 through 2/21. I’ll also be hitting Phildelphia for a day during that period. I’ve got this idea that I’m going to Morimoto to have lunch, but as to whether or not that will happen, we shall soon find out.



“I’m of legal age for whiskey, voting and loving. Now the next election is two years away, and my love life ain’t getting much better, so how about some of that one-hundred-percent!”


Wings – Live and Let Die; Willie Nelson – Whiskey River; Sara Montiel – Maniqui Parisien; Sylvester – I (Who Have Nothing); Cajmere – Coffeepot; Sam & Dave – You Don’t Know Like I Know; Mariah Carey – Fantasy





~ by Jasmine on February 10, 2005.

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