395: the 30 days of jasmine – day 7

1. i want to be a celebrity

Oh we’re late this morning, aren’t we? The flip front is on Filipino time, suckas, and you’re just gonna have to take it.

Now that I am officially over the Oscars, I find myself at a bit of a loss. Awards season is over, and I have no celebrity jamboree of self-congratulation to anticipate. No stories of celebrity gifting suites, over-stuffed goody bags that yes, do have to be declared to the IRS, and publicist shoot-outs at after-after-parties in the Hollywood Hills. I guess this means that, writing-wise, I should get back to work.

My screenplay has been languishing on my iBook. I’m about a week behind on my homework for my television class, and I haven’t calculated the Hot Mess Index for Pop Culture Junkies in over a month. Celebrities have passed away, gotten engaged, broken up, gotten back together, and won awards, and I’ve let it all go, seemingly unnoticed. Not because I’m disinterested — who else but me would care that 2006 Oscar nominee Michelle Williams brought Busy Phillips as one of her guests to the awards ceremony this year? Meanwhile, everytime I look at George Clooney I see George the Cypriot handyman from The Facts of Life, or Booker the hunky factory manager on Roseanne. Oh, yeah, and that doctor guy on ER, but I was never an ER fan so I don’t swoon over the sight of him in a lab coat. I am waiting for Laurence Fishburne to be nominated for an Oscar again so the celebrity gossip magazines will run pictures of him as Cowboy Curtis on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.

During my little Oscars viewing party, we spent some time talking about the time limit for acceptance speeches and how, if you’re one of a group of winners, you won’t get to say shit if you’re not the first person to speak. So you’d better get to the mike first, and have your list ready. I’ve had my speech written and re-written in my head since adolescence. What changes most is the people I thank. Do I stick to the usual agent/producer/cast/crew/family? Or should I feel free to thank whoever the hell I want? I can’t help but think it’s like planning a wedding. You may not be able to have 12 bridesmaids, but you want to single those people out for being especially supportive. I was thinking that, should I have the opportunity to make an acceptance speech at such a grand occasion, I could use hand signals — my lips thank one group of folks while my hands give non-verbal shout-outs to everybody else.

2. scenes from the Oak Park Library

Jacinda went to the library yesterday and had this to report (note that the Kofi in ‘Kofi-esque’ is an old co-worker of mine who is the combination of good looks and good nature that you think cannot possible exist outside of fantasyland):

    “I am startled by little shrill voices and upon looking up I see a little boy and girl — brother and sister, about 6 or 7 with what looks like their VERY handsome Kofi-esque dad and their grandma — singing the chorus to ‘Gold Digger’ by Kanye West with all their little hearts? Awwwwww. I laughed. The dad laughed, too, but he seemed a tad more, um, embarrassed…

    “They were so cute singing their best little imitation of a Mr. Foxx falsetto. I mean, these kids were NOT much higher than three feet. I didn’t join in but I cracked a big smile as it was all I could do to keep from breaking into full-on laughing. The dad saw me and started smiling back in a way that said ‘Yes, those ARE my six year olds singing “she takes my money…yeah, she’s a trifling friend indeed.”‘ Then he totally looked embarrassingly at the ground trying not to laugh, so I had to look away and try not to laugh myself. But not before catching the confused look on the grandma lady’s face which said ‘What the hell are these kids singing and why is everyone laughing?’ The kids, however, took no note of any of this and just sang on through the parking garage as happy as little clams. Tee hee. That’s culture for you.

    “[U]pon walking into the Oak Park Library’s cafe, I am startled by the under-age employees who are, as they serve me my coffee, babbling about how this weekend they’re gonna have a big-ass poker party where they’re just gonna ‘play cards and get wasted.’ Ah, gambling and booze by 17. Awwwwwwww. This did not make me laugh.”

3. spring flowers

For March 7, 2006, day 7 of the 30 days of Jasmine, start counting down to the first day of spring. I don’t know how one does that, but my guess would be prepping your windowboxes and gardens, buying seed packets, checking your gardening gloves for holes, and stocking up on allergy medication. Also, getting some rubber boots or shoes for mucking about in the dirt. I tested my new pink galoshes this weekend by splashing about in a gutter because I am, as we all know, actually four years old.


The Jimmy Castor Bunch – It’s Just Begun; LL Cool J – Doin’ It; The Beautiful South – I Started A Joke; Willie Nelson – Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other); Rufus Wainwright – The Maker Makes; Amerie – 1 Thing

*shoes & boots*
LL Bean Women’s Wellies
LL Bean Puddle Stompers
LL Bean “Bean” Boots
Smith & Hawken Dahlia Boots and Clogs
Smith & Hawken British Wellies


~ by Jasmine on March 7, 2006.

One Response to “395: the 30 days of jasmine – day 7”

  1. Clooney is the smoothest celebrity we have right now in that old tradition, but still,i can’t get over his Facts of Life days. I just can’t.

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