421: stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before, pt. 1

Valentine's Dinner: Red Dragon roll at Oysy
The Red Dragon roll at Oysy.

When I first started writing this flip front two months ago, I was going to start with how the song “Your Body Is A Wonderland” by John Mayer sounds like an apology for premature ejaculation. Valentine’s day commercials for “Music & Lyrics” starting Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant have been replaced by commercials for “Lucky You” starring Drew Barrymore and Eric Bana.

I saw “Music & Lyrics”, which was cute enough for a Valentine’s Day outing with your girlfriends, but not enough that I could overlook the total absence of romantic chemistry between Drew and Hugh. Sure, their names rhyme, and they seem similarly afflicted with not-life-thretening speech impediments (a lisp for her, a stutter for him), but is that enough to green-light future romantic comedies for the pair? I hope not. I had hoped that Hugh-the-cad as seen in the “Bridget Jones’s Diary” movies would reappear but instead it was the “I think I love Hugh” of “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.

Are you surprised, as I am, to see how easy it was for me to write two paragraphs on Hugh Grant? I’m also slightly appalled.

Unfortunately, this is going to be one of those flip fronts where there is a long bulleted list of dates with events (like “February 16: Flew to NYC for trade show. Sharing room with K. Hope my snoring doesn’t kill her.”) I would have liked to treat you all to a 10,000 word meditation on the Diet Coke Plus I had last week, but the time I have to make up for won’t allow for that. But if you ever want to talk about the miracle of Diet Coke products (except for diet coke black cherry vanilla, which is gross), give me a call.

Wednesday, February 14: To mark the occasion, I wear a red cashmere turtleneck sweater to work. Also, I go see the aforementioned “Music & Lyrics” with Kathy and Adrienne. Though not before we have delicious sushi at Oysy and dessert (some chocolatey melty thingie) at Lucky Strike. The food and company was fabulous, the movie less so. It seems cruel to make lispy Drew Barrymore play a character named ‘Sophie Fisher’ when it’s going to sound like ‘Thophie Fither’ whenever she has to say her own character’s name. She was also ‘Jothie Geller’ in “Never Been Kissed” (or is that “Never Been Kithed”?), ‘Lindthy Meekth’ in “Fever Pitch”, ‘Luthy Whitmore’ in “50 Firtht Dateth”, ‘Dylan Thanderth’ in the “Charlieth Angelth” movieth, another ‘Thophie’ in an epi-thode of “The Thimpthonth”. Truly, there were some notable characters that were less sibilant landmines — ‘Gertie’ in “E.T.” comes to mind — but is Hollywood playing some mean trick on her? Or is this all part of Drew’s big plan to conquer Hollywood through adorable girly vulnerability as expressed in lispy dialogue and cupid lips? Would that Daffy Duck, who also had a lisp, had as much luck with his own speaking voice when he was first thrust into existence.

Friday, February 16: I’m in New York until Monday for a trade show. Staying at the Marriott Marquis, I agree to share a room with Khloe to save the company some money. Also probably to ensure that I don’t spend all my free time sleeping in my room or watching “The Dog Whisperer” on cable.

Saturday, February 17: My trade show shoes are determined to hobble me. I stay standing through my shift, with only a few minutes to retreat to my room and cry from the pain before I meet Joseline and Jackie on Park Avenue South. With the parents out of town, Joseline and her boyfriend Phillip have been driving the van. We drive out to Queens to see my great-aunt Mercedes (“Ched”) and my great-uncle Gerhard (“Gerhard”), aka the only German in the family. Their neighbor Muriel comes over, and we all have lunch once my younger brother Justin turns up at their house. After the usual conversation about how health is very important, we gossip about everybody else in the family have eat some Entenmann’s coffee cake. Joseline and Phillip drop me off in Forest Hills so I can get the F train back to Times Square. Again, I have a few minutes to rest my feet (which appear to be swollen) before Khloe, Jeremy, and I head out for risotto in the West Village. We have to wait a few minutes for a table, and it’s not too cold a night so we sit outside and do some people-watching. Lots of skinny girls with lank hair wearing Uggs and leggings. Bad driving. An apartment across the street and up a flight appeared to be hosting a party. Lots of dogs being walked down the street. Eventually we are seated for dinner in a tiny banquette. We eat some of the most delicious risotto I’ve ever had. After dinner, we walk around for a bit until we head uptown, Khloe and Jeremy back to the hotel and me to the 59E59 theater to meet up with Michelle and Sean for a drink. Drinks are consumed (by them, not me), dancing is done by them, not me) and somehow we end up at a diner underneath the Manhattan side of the Roosevelt Island Tram. I don’t think I get back to the hotel room until 2:00 in the morning. But wasn’t I feeling run-down and ornery earlier? It’s amazing what some risotto will do.

Sunday, February 18: I get a croissant at City Bakery after a successful trip to the Ladies’ Foot Locker on 34th Street that yielded not one but two pairs of shoes (tax free!). The croissant is a reward — also it is breakfast. I eat my croissant before my afternoon shift at the show. The downtime conversation with my colleagues is devoted to Britney Spears shaving her head. Also what people are doing for dinner that night. I take Khloe to Veselka to meet up with some friends. Afterwards, Khloe expresses concern about my diet, which is appreciated but I still sulk. Like I have any real right to, but at that moment I kinda wished I had my own room back at the hotel.

Monday, February 19: I work in the morning, and have a few hours to kill before my flight back to Chicago. I drift to Rockefeller Center, where I almost buy a Dwight Schrute bobblehead from the NBC store. I mosey up Fifth Avenue, where I resist the impulse to go into Bergdorf’s and buy a pair of shoes I cannot afford. I drift back to the hotel just in time to split a cab to the airport with a co-worker where I get an earlier flight. Maybe I should have stuck with my original scheduled flight, as I’m in the bulkhead (right behind an exit door, so I have loads of leg room) next to a larger lady who was a nervous flier. Also, he kept tugging on my shawl because she thought it was part of her blanket. Also, she read the flight attendant’s personal copy of US Weekly even though the attendant hadn’t gotten a chance to read it yet. The attendant was gracious in giving it up, of course, though I could see he would have preferred to skim that during takeoff instead of the Economist I had brought with me. Also: settle down, people — lest you get the idea that I’m getting all fancy reading the Economist now, I have to admit that I only bought it because it had an obituary for Anna Nicole Smith in it. So there.

In the next flip front: I turn 31 at Disneyland! I leave my apartment! I see scary-looking ladies at Japonais!

songs
London Symphony Orchestra – Adagio for Strings; TV on the Radio – Let the Devil In; Elvis Perkins – Ash Wednesday; Spoon – The Fitted Shirt; Pete Rock & Large Professor – The Rap World; Rufus Wainwright – Another Believer; Big Star – Feel; Main Source – Just a Friendly Game of Baseball; Doves – Rise; Prince – A Case Of U

links
Google vs. God
Wu-Peanuts!
How to get out of a car without showing your knickers

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~ by Jasmine on April 28, 2007.

One Response to “421: stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before, pt. 1”

  1. Nice post, its a really cool blog that you have here, keep up the good work, will be back.

    Warm Regards

    Biby Cletus – Blog

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